The Distance of God

I have spent many a dark night looking up into the sky.  In high school I remember looking up at the stars wondering if loneliness was the default emotion of humanity.  In all these years since asking such a teenage question I find myself still wondering about it as I look up at the night sky.  I have felt the grip of loneliness while surrounded by people just as strongly as when I have been alone.  I am convinced loneliness has nothing to do with physical proximity to others.

Even still, loneliness is an issue of distance and connection.  I’ve had conversations with my wife and close friends that leave me feeling lonely and “missed”.  Why does this happen?  It’s not because the other person is standing miles away or even because they are refusing to speak.  Loneliness is a deep matter of the heart that cannot be solved by sharing a bed with someone or having hundreds of “friends” and “followers” to read your social media messages.  Loneliness is the feeling of others being disconnected or separated from the true “you”.

More times than not we think loneliness comes when we cannot connect on a deep level with others.  But we have this backwards.  Loneliness is the feeling we have when others cannot or will not connect with us.  The difference is profound for how we go about living our days.  If we think loneliness can be “cured” by our ability to get closer or deeper with others we soon find ourselves enslaved and exhausted by others attention and affection.  This always includes some type of preforming for others approval while also hiding as we attempt to run from the possibility of shame.  Both preforming and hiding keep us from what long for: others seeing and connecting with the “real me”.  We set ourselves up to loose every time… and loneliness sinks in deep.  The truth is we do not have the ability to make someone move close and connect with us.

On a deeper level still, we must begin to explore why loneliness overtakes us when others choose not to move toward us.  It is normal to dislike the void of distance.  We are made in the image of a God who exists in constant community with himself.  The desire for meaningful relationships is hardwired into us and is a good thing.  But is a emptying feeling of “aloneness” our only option when others keep their distance from our heart?  Or does this communal God have more to give us when others don’t?

We have to ask if our loneliness lines up with the greater story God tells us about himself.  Does your loneliness leave you room to see the distance God travels for your sake?  Does your loneliness give you a chance to see just how interested God is in that heart you long to be discovered by someone?  Does your loneliness allow you to wrestle with the loneliness of a God who hung on the cross so others could be welcomed into a greater community?  Does your loneliness keep you from experiencing the union you have with Christ?

Look, we need people!  We live most authentically when we experience deep and consistent community.  Loneliness is the right response when this is missing.  But our feelings of loneliness can begin to blind us from seeing the ultimate union we have with Christ.  When we loose sight of our union with Christ, we begin to ask others for more than they where designed give us.