Fishing In the Dark Night of the Soul

This is the first post in a 3 part series on John 21.

John 21:1-8

“I’m going fishing!”  So much had happened.  Peter watched Jesus carried away, tortured, mocked, crucified, and die.  But as Peter went fishing, he was probably thinking about how he abandoned and denied the God he vowed to never leave.  Going fishing was starting over, back to a life before Jesus.  As he cast out the nets, Peter must have been replaying all of his failures.  “How could I have denied Jesus just because a little girl recognized me?  There’s no coming back from this.  I know Jesus has risen as he said he would, but he doesn’t want me anymore.”  Where do you go when you find yourself sitting in the mess you swore off so many times before?  Hope is hard to find when you’ve broken promises and fallen headlong into the places you vowed to stay away from.  It’s hard to image there being room for Jesus when you’ve accumulated so much junk in your life.  So shame tells you the only option is a life without him.  So Peter went fishing like he did before Jesus.  But even being on the water must have been haunting as Peter remembered walking with Jesus on the waves and him calming the storm.  But now Peter was sinking under a storm he didn’t think Jesus would save him from.  No fish caught that night; just a soul overflowing shame and regret.

I was sitting in the waiting room listening to calming music that only frustrated me and tighten anxiety’s grip.  I was waiting to meet my counselor for the first time.  “How has it come to this”, I sighed.  How have I become so screwed up?  It wasn’t the counseling appointment haunting me. I felt mocked by the years I spent teaching, leading, and counseling others in recovery ministries and small groups.  For all my walking with Jesus and helping others see him more clearly I never felt as blind and empty as I did listening to that music.  Even though I knew Jesus was a God who conquers death, I didn’t feel much hope of a coming rescue.  “Chad,”  my counselor’s voice said interrupting shame’s current storm.  Could a professional even help?

“Catch anything yet?” a voice from the shoreline called to Peter and his mates.  His voice interrupted Peter’s despair with instructions about proper net casting techniques.  How frustrating it must have been for a professional fisherman to be taking lessons from a pedestrian.  But when the net began swarming with fish there was no mistaking the voice from the shore.  Jesus had come.  While most would have stayed in the boat until it reached land, Peter couldn’t wait.  He had to get to Jesus as fast as he could.  How shocking it must have been to see Jesus waiting for him on the beach.  Could he actually want to see Peter after all he had done wrong? Could there be anything more scandalously surprising than Jesus seeking those lost in a sea of guilt and shame?  As Peter reached the beach he must have been searching for the right words to say.  But what could he possibly say for himself?

But Jesus did what Jesus does and breaks the silence and shines light in the darkest of moments asking: “Will you eat with me?”  There is nothing more surprising than the redemption slowly being unfolded into our lives because God won’t let us go.  Do you think Jesus would offer you a meal at his table after you’ve done your worst?