Telling Secrets

“I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are telling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition—that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else.”

-Frederick Buechner

Telling Secrets

 

Like everyone else, I carry my share of sorrow and unknown brokenness. For whatever reason, many years ago, this quote from Buechner became my curious rallying cry. And I believe, all these years later, that I am better for it.Most of us want to forget or hide our pasts, and if not all of it entirely, then the patches of people and events pointing to shame and sorrow.They stay in unmentioned shadows or are dismissed entirely from the public record.  It’s not always sinister or debilitating, but these secrets hamstring us in our relationships with other hamstrung souls. Our secret hurts and shame keep us from fully loving others.

Instead of sharing these secrets with other secret-keepers, we use the idea of the future to escape or destroy our pasts. We fantasize about who we could be and what we could do as a way of easing the load we carry. We wish to see ourselves as people greater, stronger, or more successful than who we have been in the past and are now. Each of us wants to make a name for ourselves, rendering our pasts inconsequential. But none of this works in the end. We cannot escape ourselves in the future because it is us we carry there. And even when we can build something meaningful with our lives, it doesn’t erase the pasts we try to escape. Things we keep in secret only grow stronger by our inattention.

There is something so deep within us that wants to tell the truth, but our self-denials cannot touch it. We want to be known more than we want to hide in the bushes. We are created for intimacy, and all of us hope to find someone who sees our entire selves but won’t leave or pick up a torch and pitchfork against us. “Being known” or “doing life together” (or whatever phrase is currently fashionable) is at the core of what it means to be human. We are created in an image that wants to be seen, heard, and accepted.

God is known inside an eternal community. We have His image pinballing around inside us. It screams for us to tell our secrets and be released from their binding power. As Jesus shows us, there is a painful price to being known. You might get hurt and rejected by those we love. However, Jesus also shows us that there is freedom to be found when our secrets touch the light. God wants us to be ourselves. And He wants us to be ourselves for others to see. If it feels like you have to keep parts of who you are a secret, ask yourself why. But ultimately, you must find a way to experience the infinite love and acceptance your all-knowing Father stockpiles. What can be more freeing than how He knows you better than you know yourself and loves you more than anyone else possibly can?